TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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