Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
