well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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