Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
