Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
