Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
