Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
