someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
