you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
