im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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