If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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