Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
