I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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