i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
