Betty ford says i'm here all night
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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