Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
