im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
