were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
