I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
