Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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