What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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