so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
