I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
