you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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