would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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