It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
