is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
