I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
