Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
