My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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