she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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