Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
