jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's never too late to be topless.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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