Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize