Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
