By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
did you just send me my own nude
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
