I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
