He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
