your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize