I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize