It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize