Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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