just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
