I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
