Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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