I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
