Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
