I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
