i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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