dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
