just come out here and I will go home with you...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
