I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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