after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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