Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
someone threw a dead crab at me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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