I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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