why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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