I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
