We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
