I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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