I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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