If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
