i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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