I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
