Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
