OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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