This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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