I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
