The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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