Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
