i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
