i barfeds in our rink
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
