He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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