nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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