i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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