how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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