Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
