So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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